"Self Conscious & Calculated"

"Self Conscious & Calculated"

It's a smooth design.. confused, like who am I?

Try n clear my head n I lose my mind

beating myself up daily no matter what pain it brings

striving to be flawless as the stone I'd set in your engagement ring

the way it seems.. either it's true

or perfection doesn't exist.. and, neither do you

yikes, what can I say?..

thought I'd write my own script, but man plans and God laughs

..life's funny that way

trying to modify my outlook by changin' up the lens

knowing it's not real, yet these reels keep playin' in my head

feeling blessed just to watch you grow happily

as I watch this dream I have go naturally

nothin's the same, but feel as if nothin has changed

going out of control before I'm stuck in my ways

say I'm belligerent.. say I'm insane

you say it's a coincidence, I'm sayin' it's fate

you know what time it is! doing anything to make a damn buck

but YOU JUST WATCH.. get out of pocket and they'll chain yo ass up!

we raise the henny chase'n pennies.. friends? there ain't as many

wishing I could change this empty.. feeling, the pain is heavy

thinkin' I'm strong holding back tears that could break a levee, so..

what I need to do is face this pain before it takes a deadly toll

feeling distant n strange.. sick, n I cringe from the pain

feeling different, livin' just isn't the same

so I stop n then I ask..

could I have stopped you in your tracks before the syringe in your vein?

..it gives and it takes

gives you misery and takes opportunities 

you probably wondering what the fuck it's gotta do with me?

I'm your fam showing love, THAT'S OBVIOUS

just wake the hell up, SNAP OUT OF IT!

never look down, let me make it clear for you

in ways I'm no better, but I'm here for you

life's bigger than the picture we see

I've lost many and someone who was like a sister to me

who's spirit animal was a dragonfly 

askin' why she had to die unsatisfied 

is this a Haven of a lie? are there angels in the sky?

as I'm waiting for maybe a reply

..pondering, trying to sort things

I look beside me and there's something flying with four wings

it's hard to reason with the nonsense that happens, see..

your outlook on life is how you process the agony

so know that shot after shot I will run through it

it's not that it doesn't hit hard, I'm just numb to it

looking for sunny days, while the rain's pourin'

epiphanies strike as I'm brainstorm'n 

gone through the strongest of weathers..

battled those storms, now I'm coming back healed, stronger than ever

- Chi Money

"The Simulation Hypothesis"

Are we programmed to be an act? Or an actual human being

Is how we process things inside natural or a machine

If uniqueness is special why do great minds think alike

are they originated from brains in a face light green n slight

from space we seen align until these great minds seen collide

which invades our dreams at night, trying to take our need for life

wait a second.. I reckon I’m an asshole

but no more second guessin’ lets question all the last known

like who the fuck is this mysterious presence in a lab coat

checkin’ in every second connected through an app, phone

whatever you’re doing you have it on

while who’s listening in? Google or Amazon?

some masters of distraction

they capture our reaction.. and ran-some tests

that had devoted to be

not for cash but emotionally.. whatever that was left

every night I am lonely

so I think it’s time you might have to show me

the type.. the type.. the type that are only

trying to know me through Likes and emojis

society silently demands sobriety, a wife

fuck society, we all need variety in life

or is that just my mind running wild? Scared still?

good, cuz this soul is nothing that Bear Grylls could dare fill

don’t care how tight your boots are strapped

as where ever you are headed is a gruesome trap

some live in containment

some live in amazement

but really we’re in a maze for their own entertainment

you know.. the ones that are flown in a spaceship

we’re what they want to own and erase it

finish it quick, with no other races

no other traces, yet stencil us in

as rebels that will meddle with the devil within

we rely on technology, and too often too

just a bunch of digital pets, so who’s walking who?

"Always Isn't Forever"

Life stays evolving and changing..

nothing to solve but to witness it all

involving the aging of all of the raging

talking and pacing.. lost and then fading..

Is this the start or the finish? I happen to know..

see.. that was a trick question, the answer is both

running down the same things can have us feel

As if the cycle of life is a hamster wheel

but it’s the beauty in the journey that allows us to even believe

moments that take your breath.. in turn give you reason to breathe

In today’s world? dying of old age? seems it’s a myth

or does death, or the reason for it even exist?

seems you’ve heard it all already, so know not to listen

as there’s an exception to everything which is so contradictive

something higher up is telling me

our entire lucid entity transpires into energy  

catching fire through the galaxies

with the type of light that’s brighter than our memories

we look deep within as if we hope to see a portal

allowing us to live til the end of time, or become totally immortal

do you first remember the words you merged together?

…well, life moves on no matter how you address it

So that stamp of approval was return to sender

...I assume one day you’ll get the message

- Chi Money

"Politically Incorrect"

We move towards our goals quicker than the speed of light years

And after decades just want to catch a break, which leaves us right here

On top of the world you can scream the best of its coming

After you’ve had yer back in a corner and yer adrenaline’s rushing

Yet the media over reacts more than Richard Sherman

Just to try n lift the person after seeing a different version

Acted like he’s snappin but what happened when you asked him

From the passion of a champion with compassion a ration of the actions

Its all the huge egos which is why they’re likely in some drama

And/Or just really feeling themselves like Miley n Rihanna

We need to be mentally stronger to keep us in condition to win

Cuz a bully won’t stay Incognito no matter what position yer in

Words of a leader heard with demeanor might not be worth the procedure, why?

Ordering assault force from the golf course, turning work into leisure time

Some blow smoke up your ass, one didn’t even light the stogie

But still said there was no way Lewinsky tried to blow me

Everybody got a problem, but if you got more commas n O’s, see..

It’ll always Trump your beef like Donald n Rosie

Can’t win for losing, but now here’s something you might consider

Someone named the Biggest Loser can become the titled winner

Freedom of speech has been redeemed for a reason for peace

Disloyalty deceased a reach in agreement which decreases treason to cease

The rich get richer and the poor get poorer, its nothing but some simple math

So better get a higher education, cuz they’re cutting out the middle class

-Chi Money

"SmArtillary"

You’re boasting burns bridges, the dental work in ya gums dawg

Should’ve known it can back fire tryin to spark a convo about gun talk

If you don’t wanna be found beat down n bound to some chains

Better dig yourself a hole n jump in it before ya found like Hussein

Yeah, so if you’re those front row groupies chasen them bands

Know we link up n make order by a chain of commands

Make you hit the deck first, I got an Ace up in my holster

With a couple pistols on hand cuz I’m not playin with you jokers

And if you’re open as Snowden or just a traitor, you..

Will be Fed to the gators, I mean feds in their gator, shoes..

Talkin bout how they paid their dues when they make the news

Paying more then the camera man to change yer views

Here’s an expression… when you go to sell weapons to yer enemies

Stop pretendin’ whenever someone is questioning yer tendencies

They’ve been trading weapons for lives, and lives for revenue

As the widowed wives of soldiers sigh as they cry for rescue too

From the big screen to politics all you see are impersonators

with big guns.. literally and metaphorically like the Terminator

heavyhitters weigh in by the tons tryin to reach the throne

all while forgetting Goliath was taken down by a single stone

could be less than 14 pounds with the force to bring about 4 kings down

blind to the blood trail they’ve traveled for an unforeseen crown 

-Chi Money

"Catch 22"

Ever since I was a child, my mind’s been runnin wild..

Far beyond a hundred miles from guns to bibles it runs in cycles

From the mothers I’ve known who’s kids were took from this planet

to the couple other mothers who just took them for granted

You have your own mind, yet always let your woman decide it

So if you think you’re a leader man, you’re really miss guided

Even the right path is the wrong turn that loops back to a dead end

So keep your enemies close, even those that act like a best friend

And If life really is an UP HILL battle, then what happens after 40?!

To whom do we pass the glory to enhance the story of those who have passed before me?

Life’s about give n take which becomes more of a tug of war

Yet the winners are the first to fall and there’s nothin’ more?

No wonder winning doesn’t have the same ring as once before

Now its just a morgue, a bunch of corpse found under someone’s porch

Some say the cycle of life is the revival of Christ

N the bible is a vital device against a suicidal demise

Work the grave shift, til you collapse of old age n, die..

While family cant afford the space to put ya grave in, why?

I mean….how you gonna purchase a plot with stories of debt?

not ignoring respect, fortune comes in more than just the form of a check

Its torn from the depths.. of those forming a breath

Through the births of knights… and the Mourning of deaths

And no matter the drug, mental stability causes bodily harm

With or without insurance it’ll cost you your leg, n probably arm

Some say we cant change, this is how we were made from the start

Some say we don’t age, so stay drunk at bars

But Mind, body, and soul.. you can’t make em impart

So maybe we’re old souls who remain young at heart

-Chi Money 

Theosophy

Some would say conspiracies are 99% misbeliefs of destruction
but its only the eyes of the paranoid that can see the corruption
society workin our way up the ladder.. some to climb through ya windowpane
robbin all year, while you want a career, and intern we don't get no pay
cuz criminals are gonna do what criminals were made to do
so dont let open doors become opportunities for strangers too
see.. priests preach what it takes to reach the heaven skies
but then they alter ya mind with that bread n wine
it seems today we dont understand  the meaning of marriage, so...
you're starting to see men take another knee quicker then Derrick Rose
numbers don't lie.. especially the estimated amount of cons, we see
from the streets to the ones in the books that account for ponzi schemes
again, numbers dont lie.. life's catch 22 is another connection to one
when you got guns for protection over guns, your protection is none
and the prevention of its progression is an obsession for some
get arrested protestin' more aggressive then the presence of snubs
you know.. 38s, hand guns.. first debate? blast one!
worthless hate in an earthless place with no heard escape, have fun!
was born with collarbones holding up an angel and a devil
and over the years we all had a different angle, but we'd settle
continuously questioning each other so as we got older and older
the more time it seems we spent looking over our shoulders
our acknowledgement of the obvious there's nothin positive in politics
these misled mythologists who's gossip is.. propaganda anonymous
so just throwing a petition at them isn't fighting for your writes
you have to keep on grinding like you're fighting for your life!
now government don't need a right to tap our phones, we do it ourselves
cuz now everything is touch screens  that move through the shelves
by all means live free! but at least be somewhat discreet
or trespassers are at your welcome mat with the key under their feet

-Chi Money